Prepare the way, for the Jeb! cometh

JEB… the campaigning chaos…

He has risen out of Florida to break his bone-bread over the earth… Heed these words!

There are some who say these times of planet-shattering upheavals were reckoned by the lashing and battering of certain foul winds from the deep void of space. Midnight seers reading in the clouds and teacups the myriad ways of the world-spirit point a shriveled finger to the alignment of certain celestial bodies and nebulae.

Still others, attribute it to the awakening of JEB.












Do not misunderestimate the JEB, for his hand is mighty and extends long into the night. He has returned at this, his appointed hour, to fulfill a destiny sealed in blood by most distant ancestors.

Suffice it to say that JEB is the third and thereafter shall never be another — for it is prophesied that if the forces of JEB shall preside o’er this land, that “Iran will not get a nuclear weapon because the world as we know it will be no more.”

They may also end up with control of the House, Senate and Presidency.

Let JEB’s destruction rain down from the dying heavens!














Heed the call of the JEB and do not deny its power. For the splendor of JEB shall surpass that of all his predecessors; as it is written:

  • The first in the line of Bush shall be a spook-man, and lo, though he was called too “incompetent to be President,” a President he would be. And lo, though he once said unto the people that for a politician to position themselves further to the Right, they would have to, quote, “drop off the face of the earth,” still further Right he would go.
  • The second in the storied bloodline, though he was born unto riches and patronage unimaginable and in a most patrician of duchies, would prove himself an utter simpleton. This he would use to his advantage. A President he, too, would be!
  • The third shall pad himself in an exterior most unassuming. He shall be deemed a “moderate,” and a “reformer,” and his would-be allies shall turn against him, though the kulturkampf his reign shall unleash will surpass even that of his father’s once-mentor, Richard the Millhouse. His enemies shall all perish in an ever-flowing sea of ill-begotten fungibility.

So it is written, in such reputable outlets as the Hill, no less.

Do not fear or struggle when JEB gargles upon thine eyeballs or devours your soul. For this, too, is a thing of beauty.

It is all a part of the majesty of JEB.

Let JEB consume our foibles and subsume our essences before the dead gods above; who, in their blindness, neither know nor care for us pitiable humans.


Though JEB may attain the unmatchable favor of certain Ancient Ones whose power churns forth from the unspeakably black depths of the bowels of the earth, his victory is yet to be assured.

JEB will need loyal acolytes to be his eternal slaves in his thousand year campaign of total conquest. You may visit his trans-cosmological virtual den here, if you dare.

Don’t forget to register to vote in the primaries and general election for JEB!


James Neimeister is a freelance writer from Ohio. His interests include: Russia, Ukraine, education, technology, and "cyberspace."

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